Hi Saumya,

So, this is one of the most secret things I have ever written.

I'm starting to write this on 21st June, 2025. Below is a screenshot of my phone wallpaper for reference. I know it can be edited, but… mmm, trust me. :P

Yes, he's everywhere on my phone. :P

So, I think I'll share this for only two reasons:

  1. When we are very, very close. Like really close. (And honestly, I hope this is the only reason I ever share it.)

  2. When we will never talk again. (I don't want that to happen, but if it does, I'm sure there will be a reason. And that's okay.)

Just wanted to let you know that this will mostly be about me. Like 90% of the things I'll share will be related to me, and the rest will be for you.

What’s the purpose of this entire thing?

  • It's mainly to let you know who I am, in complete detail. Really detailed.

  • Things I may never have shared with anyone else.

  • Things I might never be able to say to you directly, or express the way I want to. I'm not very good at expressing things in real life. :(

  • Things that might give you a complete picture of who I am, or who I was.

I'm pretty sure this will include things I'll feel embarrassed about in the future, like why did I talk about this, why did I tell her that but still, I feel if you truly trust someone, you should be able to share every single thing you are thinking or have done, no matter how embarrassing or messy it is.

You can't control your thoughts or your past. And if you can't convey what you are actually thinking and instead try to change it to sound better that's not being honest or loyal.

Anyway, I will only share this if either:

  1. We are super close and I know you won't judge me, or

  2. We don't talk anymore so I don't have to deal with the fear or awkwardness of facing you after you know all this.

This will have some questions, a few random sections, stories, and pictures.
Just remember, everything here will be 100% true. No made-up stories. Nothing fake.
Trust me on this. :)

Let's start.

Why Saumya Shrivastava? What’s the value of Saumya Shrivastava in Vishal’s life? Why have I put in so much effort for this?

Mmm… I know this question might have crossed your mind at least once — “Why is he so into me? Why is he investing so much time in me?”

And honestly, this is the exact thing I also think about when I’m just sitting alone or walking to the gym.

The truth is — I don't really have a proper answer.

I'll never be able to fully express the value you have brought into my life. From your first reply till now, everything has helped me in some way or another.

Even if someone asks me the same thing five years from now, I don’t think I’ll be able to explain why.

But I do have a few things to share… Some might be repetitive, but still worth saying.

Even though I usually have a good memory, I honestly don't remember what photos were there on your Hinge profile, what your description said, or your listed likes and dislikes.

I just remember your LinkedIn prompt, and that’s what led to this entire discussion. That’s all.

After that, I just trusted my feelings.

I kept checking your profiles and whatever public information was available. A lot.

I didn't want you to get a notification that I viewed your LinkedIn profile multiple times, so I used my best friend's LinkedIn account to check your profile and even blocked you from that account so you wouldn't get notified. I'm really sorry for that. :P

But honestly, I have never done this for any other girl. And, I don't want to do it for anyone else.

Yes, I have stalked random Insta accounts before, but that's just random attraction. You like someone for a while, then move on to the next. It's a never-ending loop. I have been through that and I know it doesn't lead anywhere.

But you were different.

Honestly, I haven't seen any recent pictures of you. On Facebook, most were 6–7 years old. And of course, they were all really good, but we all change over the years.

I don't know exactly how you look today, and to be honest, I don't really care.

I have always believed that if your vibe and thoughts align with someone, you can spend a lifetime with them, whether they are your friend, family, or partner.

So yes, I may not have a clear why but I know you are truly special.

You are talented, calm, mature, ambitious, and yes, obviously cute and beautiful. Maybe I'm wrong in saying some of this, but I really hope I'm not. :)

Short Story

I said this to one of my friends who is struggling in his marriage and is kind of seeing another girl while still being married. This is just my opinion:

"We all have 2–3 best friends in life with whom we share everything or feel very close to. And we never chose those friends because they looked good.

We chose them because we felt comfortable with them. We felt safe. Our thoughts aligned. We simply liked spending time with them.

Then why do we think so much about looks when it comes to choosing a partner?

In a relationship, especially one where you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with someone, how can looks be the main factor?

I don't understand why people get so obsessed with appearances."

Screenshot from My Journal when I met him and he shared his story

Instincts?

Yes, I have talked a lot about my instincts.

You must be thinking - WHY!!???

There's honestly a reason behind it.

I have lost a lot of opportunities in life where I felt I was right and wanted to act, but just because I didn't have the courage to take the step, I missed them.

(No, I'm not talking about approaching girls as an opportunity here. This is in general, related to life and career. :P)

I thought a lot about it before sending you that website.

I had 1000s of reasons not to send it, but there was this one strong feeling that made me decide, no matter what the result, I'll work on it and send it to you as soon as possible.

I was really sad and a bit frustrated when I couldn't find your email. I thought that was the safest and most respectful way to reach out to you.

I searched literally every profile of yours for hours and still couldn't find it.

Then, using one of my friend's LinkedIn accounts, I finally found your email in one of your posts. I took a screenshot and saved it in my gallery. That was gold to me. :P

My motivation after that was on another level, this turned out to be one of the fastest projects I have ever worked on. (I know project might not be the right word here. :P)

My Relationship with Family

I'm from a Sindhi middle-class family.

I don't look Sindhi, I don't know how to speak Sindhi, and my thoughts also don't align with the typical Sindhi mindset. :P Also, our surname isn't particularly associated with a Sindhi family.

I live with my mom, dad, my twin sister, and our pet cat.

I have had a very beautiful life, no regrets in any phase. My parents provided me with the best education and the best lifestyle possible.

But recently, my relationship with my family hasn’t been very good. There are a lot of issues and clashes over many life decisions.

It feels like the whole house is thinking in one direction, while I want something different for myself.

That's one of the big reasons I want to move out. I have been working from home all my life. The only time I worked outside was during my initial training in Pune, which was one of the best phases of my life. After that, it's been just work from home. :( I don't even know how to work from an office. I have no experience.

It's honestly become so frustrating and suffocating to live in a place where your voice isn't heard. You don't feel free or supported by the people closest to you. It's really hard.

I have a twin sister, but honestly, I don't have a great relationship with her either. It's rare for siblings, but we never really connected well.

She had an arranged marriage in 2022, but now she's going through a divorce.

That was also a major life decision where there were a lot of discussions between me and my family. I tried really hard to stop the marriage because I had a bad feeling about it. I noticed a lot of red flags that my family ignored. They just saw that the guy looked good, earned well, and felt it was the right age to marry.

Their relationship lasted only 36 days. Since then, it's been a long divorce process.

This is one of the reasons I trust my instincts a lot.

I don't know if it's something natural or if I just consider every possibility very carefully, but there's something.

I don't have great relationships with my cousins either. Most of them are into business, and I just don't connect well with them.

Relationship with My Friends

I have very few people I'm truly close to, just 2 - 3 who know almost everything about me.

I don't meet them regularly, but we share good bond. That's how small my circle is.

Where do I live?

I was born and brought up in Ulhasnagar (a suburb of Mumbai) and lived there for 23 years. It's the same place where Ashish Chanchlani lives (if you know him from YouTube). He used to live just 10 minutes away from my place.

Then, we moved to Kalyan, stayed there for a couple of years, and later shifted to a different area within Kalyan (Tharwani Solitaire) where we lived for another 4 years.

Now, I live in Thane (Hiranandani Estate) since the beginning of this year. We moved here because my dad's business is closer to this area, and it was becoming difficult for him to travel daily by train from Kalyan.

Not sure how long we'll stay here though, as my family doesn't like this place much, they find it a bit isolated. But I personally like it a lot. It's very clean & peaceful. They are planning to move back to our old flat soon.

This was also one of the decisions where I had a lot of clashes with them.

Why UAE?

I love my job and the company I work for. Culture is great, team is supportive, pay is good, and I have the flexibility to work from anywhere, anytime.

But for some reason, I feel that if I continue working here, I might miss out on something I could have achieved, something that could be better for future.

I have always dreamt of moving abroad. I have tried many times but failed for various reasons.

UAE seems perfect. There's no major cultural difference, it's close, it's safe, and it feels like the right time to explore opportunities there.

I hate extremely harsh winters. The maximum I can handle is Mumbai's winter, which I know isn't really cold. Any place colder than that is very difficult for me to live in.

I'm not sure if I'll be successful there, there's a chance I might fail. But I seriously want to try.

I think a lot about the future. I don't know if that's right or wrong, but I believe our entire IT industry has maybe 5 good years left to earn well. This seems like a really good time to try something different.

Relationship with Virat Kohli

He is just everything to me. I know this might sound a bit odd, but he's someone who has helped me in ways even my family hasn't.

He's such a big mental support to me.

I don't know why, but I somehow feel deeply connected to him.

We are both Scorpios. Our birthdays are in November, his is on 5th Nov and mine on 8th Nov. Even the meanings of our names are quite similar.

Our mindsets align a lot - focused, disciplined, always looking to win.

I have 2 really big dreams in life. They are really crazy. If I tell someone about them, even you - you might call me the stupidest person of all time. 😅

One dream is something related to him, and the second is with a partner (maybe with y…), and a bit of him is involved in that too.

I have always tried to live a disciplined life and make sure that whatever I do somehow gets me closer to those goals. Hopefully, someday. :) :)

This is my current laptop wallpaper. :) Looks nice na?

One Interesting Thing :P

I used to be a hardcore non-vegetarian. I can't even tell you how much chicken I have eaten in my life!

The only reason I gave up non-veg is because Virat Kohli turned vegetarian.

It was something I thought I would never be able to leave. I just loved it so much.

But it's been 5.5 years now, I haven't eaten anything, not even eggs.

Relationship with Fitness

For the past 2.5 years, fitness is something I have taken very seriously. It's like an escape for me, from daily life and sometimes from the chaotic environment at home.

I have an online personal trainer - Rishabh for the last 2.5 years. He's one of the few people I have shared some things about my mental health with.

Those 1.5 - 2 hours I spend at the gym feel like therapy. I don't have a muscular body, but I love the progress I have made.

I recommend fitness to anyone who's struggling in life and unsure what to do.

Here are some pictures from my gym and what I eat almost daily. :P

Relationship with Money

I’m someone who believes money is super important. It gives you a sense of confidence and security that nothing else can.

I started my career with a salary of ₹15,000, and I still remember spending more than that in my first month. It took me some time to truly understand the value of money. But today, I earn quite well compared to where I started. And most importantly, I know where my money is going.

This is currently my entire net worth. This is a screenshot from the INDMoney app, showing all the money I have in all the accounts as of 24th June, 2025.

Is it a lot of money? Definitely not. But this is what I have saved after working for 7 years. I take care of almost all household expenses and also spend/invest a lot on fitness and upskilling.

I spent a good amount on my sister's wedding, regular gifts for family, my car, etc.

I even spent ₹2.05 lakhs on a course last year.

This is what I have managed to save after all of that. And it gives me the confidence to try new things that might eventually lead me to the kind of independence I truly want.

Today, my parents do have more money than I do. But I have never considered that as mine. For years, I haven't asked them for a single penny. I have always believed that whatever I build should be with my own money. That's what I grind for, every single day.

About Myself / My Daily Routine

I live a very simple and (some may say) boring life.

Here’s what 90% of my days look like:

  • Wake up: 6:30 AM

  • Freshen up, Bath, Meditation, Prayer: 1 hour

  • Login for work: 7:30 AM

  • Breakfast: 9:30 AM

  • Lunch & Book Reading: 1:30 - 2:00 PM

  • Log off: 3:30 - 4:00 PM

  • Freelance work: 4:00 - 5:30 PM

  • Gym: 5:30 - 7:30 PM

  • Freshen up: 7:30 - 8:00 PM

  • Dinner: 8:00 PM

  • Freelance work, Browsing Internet, Instagram: 8:30 - 10:00 PM

  • Tomorrow’s Breakfast Prep & Night Routine: 10:00 - 11:00 PM

  • In bed: 11:15 PM

I eat the same breakfast and dinner almost 90% of the time.

I have been documenting every single day of my life for the past 5 years -

  • What I did

  • Who I interacted with

  • Which assignments I worked on

  • How my mood was throughout the day

  • What I ate, how many steps I walked, and what workout I did

It may seem a bit rigid, but I believe that's what has helped me grow. I always know where my time is going, how much I can afford to waste, and how much I can use to learn something new. I truly believe there's no other way to grow, you have to make tough decisions.

(Journal is something very close to me. No one knows about it. It has almost everything about me. I will let you read it someday in the future, you will be surprised to see the kind of things I have documented. :P)

I live a disciplined and structured life.

I have no regrets. I'm definitely a lot happier than I used to be. I know I have come a long way, it took a lot of sacrifices to reach where I am today, a life I had once only dreamed of.

I enjoy my own company, and I truly value the few but beautiful relationships I have built.

Yes, I know I have missed out on a lot because of the way I live, but I don't regret it. When I compare it with what I have gained today, those things don't really matter.

Here's what my typical journal and daily fitness tracking sheet looks like. :)

Driving…

This is just 1 instance from life. If someone asks me to choose between a bike or a car, I'll straightaway choose a car. I love cars, not in a typical car-nerd way, but just in general.

I have a car, but I don't drive much. In 2023, I had 2 really bad accidents. Thankfully, nothing happened to me, but they left me traumatized and gave me a fear of driving again.

I do drive now, but not very frequently. I still want to overcome that fear and get back into driving confidently.

Relationship with Alcohol/Drugs

I don't consume any alcohol. I have seen a lot of it in my life, as my father has been in the alcohol industry for over 30 years. He worked in Sales and Marketing early in his career and now runs 2 liquor shops.

All my friends say, "How can someone have so much self-control with access to almost any liquor bottle?" :P I just don't like it. I honestly hate the taste.

Drugs/Smoking – I have never touched any kind of drug or cigarette. I don't judge people who smoke, maybe they have their reasons but I still wonder how they continue knowing it's harmful.

While checking your Facebook initially, I came across your view on smoking. I really liked that. :P


Last time I had a sip of Bacardi Lemon was in Manali, back in February 2019. It was below 0 degrees, and I needed something warm to drink, so I just tried a sip. That's it. Uske bad kuch b nai :P


One Interesting Story

I lived the first 4 months of my career in Pune. One Sunday afternoon, while I was returning from a nearby restaurant after lunch, my roommate called and asked me to bring 2 cigarettes from a nearby grocery shop. I was very hesitant to even touch the cigarettes, so I asked the shopkeeper to wrap them in a tissue. And that's exactly how I handed them to my friend. :P

That's the closest I have ever come to touching one. :P

Anything wrong I did in life?

Yes, even I have done a few wrong things in life that I'm really ashamed of. A few years back, I got into a conversation with a married woman and responded in a way I shouldn't have. I still regret that decision.

I'm glad nothing more happened and that I stopped at the right time. It's one of the worst things I have ever done in my life.

Relationship with Girls

I have written this as a separate section because there are few things I want to share, some of which I have NEVER shared with anyone.

Honestly, I don't talk to girls much. I don't even know how to. There's just one really good friend of mine, whom I became close to during our training days in Pune, and we have stayed in touch since then.

I have only been in one relationship, though I'm not even sure if I can call it a proper relationship. It was a good time, but in a 2.5-year relationship, we met just some 12 times in total, even though we lived less than a km away from each other.

We never hugged. We never kissed. We literally didn't do anything physical. I won't say it was completely her fault, there were times I was unavailable too. But yes, somehow that relationship just felt like it existed only on paper and gave me some experience, that's all.

Since then, I have never been in a relationship with anyone. Not even a casual one. I haven't done things that 99% of guys probably have, and I don't even know how many times.

Honestly, I don't know how to hug a girl, how to kiss, or even how to initiate a conversation properly.

I know it's something I should have probably tried at some point in the past, but for some reason, I never felt like doing it.

I may be repeating myself here, but you are literally the first person I have talked to in so many years at this level. I'm sorry if anything I have said feels wrong or uncomfortable. I just did what felt right to me.

Final Thoughts

I'm writing this section today, right after I read your message in the morning. :(

I completely respect your decision.

Maybe I was expecting something different or thinking in an entirely different direction. Sorry for that.

You know Saumya, I'm usually a very tough person. I can literally count on my fingers the number of times I have cried in the last 15–20 years. But today, while writing this particular section, even though I'm not trying to, I feel heavy. I feel emotional, and my eyes are just wet. Right now, I don't think I would be able to utter a single word if I had to. If someone tries to talk to me, I know I'll just cry. I'm, as usual, alone in my room and don't even know what I will say if someone walks in and sees me like this.

You were truly special, Saumya. I will miss you.

I'm really sorry if, in any way, my words hurt you. That was never my intention. Everything I have said in the past month had a reason, and every time, I was just being honest. I didn't write anything to look cool or to impress you. It was all from the heart. I have always believed that when someone is truly honest in any kind of relationship, it becomes much easier to build something meaningful.

The only reason I shared everything from my life was because I wanted you to understand the kind of person I am, and why I did what I did. I had planned to share all this when there would be something between us in future, so that we would be starting it in the most honest way possible. I never thought I would have to share it this early… and especially not for this reason.

This might be hard to believe, but last night/early morning I had a similar scary dream, where you removed me from your LinkedIn connections and unfollowed me. I was about to send an email at ~2:55 AM but didn't feel it was the right thing to do. So I just noted it down in my personal chat.

And this somewhat became true. :( :(

I know it's an emotional phase, and with time, I'll recover from it. I have recovered from a lot of things in the past. This one will honestly take more time, but it's okay, time heals everything. :)

Thank you for everything. For each reply. For taking out time to help me with my work, for free. For sharing your side of things so openly. I will forever be grateful for that.

I'll still hope we'll cross paths someday.

All the best for whatever you choose to do in life. You are truly talented. Just believe in yourself and try to be a little more optimistic about life.

You will always be my favourite chapter.

Thanks again. Will miss you. Keep smiling. :)

Your weirdo anonymous friend,
Vishal Thakur
(I hope you will at least remember my name :P)

I'm sorry about last night's email –

I just wanted to share a few things about it.

Honestly, I never intended to express my feelings like that. As I had mentioned few weeks back, I truly wanted to continue this as a friendship for now and see if anything could be possible in the future.



I was continuing with that thought, just as friends. Yes obviously, I did have some feelings, and that's why I sent the first email in the beginning. But I never wanted to express anything so openly unless I felt we were very close.

But yesterday, there was one email that I might have completely misunderstood. It was about those categories you mentioned.

You said something like "Shaant" category - someone who never makes a move. And then added, "Not sure which category you'd fall into."



And "Shaant" is a word you had never used in our previous conversations. Somehow, I felt it wasn't your usual choice of words. I thought you were indirectly pointing at me, since I had used the word "SHAANT" in one of the earlier messages I sent.



That's when I thought, maybe I should express what I'm feeling. I don't know what silly things I was connecting in my head. I really messed up, even the friendship. :(

1 chance? :(

Weekly Updates

I was just trying this thing. These are all raw thoughts from me about everything that happened during each week.

Please don't judge me after reading these. PLEASE!

You can access them here:

Weekly Updates
Weekly Updates

Questions

If you have read everything above, then you probably know me better than anyone else - more than my parents or even my closest friends. :P

I'm a very private person. I don't like to share my plans, what I want to do next, or what I'm working on.

But for some reason, I felt comfortable sharing everything with you. Honestly, there's hardly anything I may have missed.

I wanted to ask a few questions - if you are comfortable, answer them as an honest friend. You can be as direct and critical as you want. Even if it's harsh, it's okay. Maybe it'll help me improve.

Q1. What do you think I can improve in my life? According to you, what have I done wrong in life?

Q2. Looking back at everything I did in the last month, do you think I went wrong somewhere? Was there anything I shouldn't have done? (I know last night's email was one of them, I really shouldn't have sent it.)

Q3. As a girl, what were your first impressions of me? You can even answer this by imagining a guy with similar qualities, ignoring me specifically.

Q4. Why do you think any girl could accept someone like me to date? And also, why might a girl directly reject me as one? (You have seen a couple of my pictures, you can include that too, if it's something that matters or makes a difference.)

Q5. Why did you feel I'm not someone suitable for the long term? (I understand we don't know each other deeply, but sometimes in conversations people do get a sense - like "this person could be a potential" or "this is not someone I would ever consider.")